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Monday, February 16, 2015


Auzubillahi minas syaitanir rajim Bismillahirrahmanirrahim... Assalamualaikum... 

Salam dikasihi pada semua pembaca yang dikasihi. Entah malam ini ingin sungguh berbicara. Tak pernah saya alami mungkin juga saya menidakkan kan kebenaran.

I just realize how crucial this can be. 

Mistakes is a must in our lives. I'm very sure of it, if I say I'm perfect then i'm sure bluffing as hell. Sometimes I wish I could just erase it.

I just realize when I do mistakes to someone and that someone will not forgive you, thought me really well.I don't want to make any trouble at all with any people in this world, some people will not care so much I know, but it just me, its me and how i felt right. Whether the person is important or not important in my life or not or even rather the person care about me or not. It's what I'm thinking not others.

What I know when we make something bad to someone, I do realize I must ask forgiveness. Its the right thing to do. I must say or show how really sorry you are, then admit it's my fault, and I will makes myself not to repeat it again. And then ask how I could make it up to that person, even I know the person will not easily forgive you quickly or accept you easily. Moreover is the person is not so close with you or you don't know anything about the person.

I feel miserable of myself, I should be more attentive and be careful of what I am doing. be more empathy. 

"You have one chance to prove yourself and you blow it...you have nothing else but to blame yourselves." ~which my mind keep repeating like a tape recorder.

My friend says it doesn't matter, don't take seriously so much about people who don't think so much about you, but as always I just can't let it go. *sigh...*sigh...*sigh

I think I must be so selfish right? asking for forgiveness and hoping the person would forgive me right away with just one time its kinda rather self fish right? 

Makes me ask myself do you really feel sorry? I am as I feel so miserable of myself. I wish i could be alright with everyone which is impossible is it? or its not? haaah....pity me pity me pity me!!! 

Or do you just asking so that your heart and mind will feel better and ease? Well, is it wrong for me to seek peace an happiness and ease. 

When someone doesn't forgive you, I just feel like I'm a very bad person and very evil person which doesn't even worth a chance or to say or to explain. Makes me realize when people mad at you he/she doesn't need long list or excuses of your bad behavior right?

Make me realize again that when you make a mistake its done! No more second chance or even one chance to make it right. Its all or nothing! right?

Dear my lovely readers, I am pathetic right? 

“Forgiveness is the answer to the child’s dream of a miracle by which what is broken is made whole again, what is soiled is made clean again.” ― Dag Hammarskj√∂ld

Yes I am like a child seeking and dreaming of forgiveness. And I don't know why its bothering me so much.

I know now that's all I can do, I have ask for forgiveness. I'm sorry.

It is great if my forgiveness is accepted but what if, its not, your are not forgiven, that is the question. What I am going to do?

In my opinion after I have long think about it, if the person doesn't forgive you, I need to forgive myself of my own wrong doing or my mistakes to move on.

Which I am gonna say forgiving yourself its quite hard to do if the person doesn't forgive you yet. This is what I feel right now.

I could just ignore and move on but I could not. What makes this happen is just a part of my daily life, but I guess it does sometimes lessons in your life can come in different ways and from different path no matter how small or how big it is.

Yes move on its an easy words to say though not an easy things to do...(laughing at myself right now)..this how its feel when it happen to you.

I wish my mind and heart will gonna be straight again. Hopefully it will be temporary, but i guess its going to be long long way.

I can't blame the person for what he/she is or what he/she felt, cause I know, I've been there in his/her place, and I know how much it hurts and that's why I feel so terrible so much. When I realize I make the same mistake towards that person, mistakes that I hate so much when other people do to me, it makes me so hard to forgive myself. It really do.

I wish at that time i wasn't so ambitious, I wish I wasn't so greedy just because wanting of few things, I wish i would spoken earlier, I wish I'll be more attentive....I wish....I wish...

P/s: I feel pathetic, Please make my heart and mind, make me to forgive myself. Please make me outgrow from this. Please make me understand its alright, because I'm not a perfect person.

Terima kasih, Thank You, Syukran, Arigato, Shieh Shieh, Rumba Nandri, Kamsahamnida for reading this entry. Please do come again.

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Terima kasih, Thank You, Syukran, Arigato, Shieh Shieh, Rumba Nandri, Kamsahamnida: Komen anda sangat dialu-alukan dan dihargai :)

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